How To Flirt and Be Charming

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve been thinking about this.

Women, if you want to make a man love you, like crazy love you, then understand him.

Put in the work to really “get” him.

This is not easy to do, and off the top of my head, I don’t have any practical advice about how to do this. My experience makes me pretty sure it works though.

I can count the number of women I felt like really “got” me on one hand, without using three of my fingers.

I still love both of them very much.

Last night I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. She told me that she was talking about me to some of her friends at work. She was telling them that over the weekend she was reminded that I still, after almost a year of dating, make sure that I flirt with her.

This is no accident.

We have all seen that boring couple. They don’t smile a lot, they don’t seem to be happy when they are together. They are together because of habit more than anything else. They look horribly bored.

We’ve also seen that annoying couple. You know the ones. They are the ones that laugh with each other, and they have their hands all over each other. They make us sick, because they are enjoying themselves so much.

The only difference between these two couples is that the second couple never stopped flirting with each other. They never stopped poking at each other, teasing each other, and playing. Flirting is such an easy thing to do, and it is fun for everyone involved. Almost nobody does this though. I think a lot of guys just don’t know how.

Do you know how to flirt with your girlfriend? If you are scratching your head, you need to listen to the CD on banter in the Surefire Attraction Secrets program. Flirting and banter isn’t just a skill that makes it easier to meet women. It will make your entire life better. Whether you have known a woman for 1 minute, 1 day, 1 month, 1 year, or 1 decade, you need to know how to flirt and banter. This is what puts the spice into a relationship. This is what keeps a relationship fun and exciting. This is what will keep your girlfriend happy.

And guess what. A woman that you keep happy, is going to keep you happy.

Learn this, and it will make your relationships work.

Take a look at it now.

The question, “what’s your story?” is just about the most awful question you can ask when you meet someone. Please wipe this phrase from your memory.

“What’s your story?” is really a non-question. It is a way of saying, “I have no idea what to say or ask you, so why don’t I put all the pressure on you to say something interesting?”

Whenever someone asks me what my story is, I usually ask them, “what do you really want to know?” I never know how to answer this question ,and I imagine most people don’t, man or woman.

You can do better. Easily. Spend 2 or 3 seconds thinking about what you really want to know, and ask that.

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That said, I went ahead and wrote “my story”. I updated the about me page on this site. I wrote about how I got to be where I am now. It is a great story, if I say so myself, even if I did leave out the Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘N Roll. You’ll have to catch me at a bar and hear that part over a beer. Go ahead and read it and let me know what you think.

You can start reading the first part here.

I dropped into the Pickup Podcast and recorded an interview with AJ and Jordan a little while ago.  We talked about how to build a stronger connection with a woman.

Click HERE to download the interview.

While your at it, check out their site at Pickuppodcast.com.  Their shows have been really great, and they are really solid guys to boot.

It should be clear that I think connecting with a woman is very important. Being a cool sexy guy is great, but any man that wants great women in their life needs to know how to connect with them. That is the subject of the Art of Rapport Workshop, and during the last workshop I instructed, I had a realization.

When I say realization, I mean that I found a way to describe something in a way I never have before.

I want you to imagine her. You’re sitting next to her, she is smiling, and clearly likes you. Then, you start to get into a deeper conversation. You tell her about the town you grew up in, or maybe about something you did when you were younger with a brother or sister.

What are you talking about?

Yes, you are telling some kind of story. You are talking about something that happened.

But what are you really talking about?

You are talking about yourself.

When you are telling someone a story about something that happened to you, remember that what you are really talking about is yourself. You are not talking about a list of events that happened in succession. You are talking about things you did, things that happened to you, and what these things meant and felt to you. The story of what happened is an excuse to really tell a woman something about yourself.

When you are talking to a woman, and telling her a story from your life, remember, this is not the time to talk about a list of events, it is a chance to tell her something about yourself. The story is just a tool to do that.

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The ability to connect with women beyond an everyday, surface level is one of the main topics of the Art of Rapport Workshop. To find out more information about this workshop, click here.

Now go have a wonderful life full of wonderful women.

How do you build an emotional connection and increase intimacy with a woman? Conventional wisdom would probably say, “open up and share stuff about yourself”. Maybe you would here something like, “show how much you care”. Maybe you could “show that you appreciate her”.

These are good ideas. Kind of. These things will not do anything directly to really create a connection between you and a woman though. Sure they are nice, but when I say “connection”, I mean that feeling that makes a woman feel really with you. This is the feeling that makes her think about you when you aren’t there, and makes her feel really special when you are.

How do you do this? The real answer is pretty simple. A strong connection and intimacy is created between you and a woman when you share emotional experiences together.

Not sharing emotional experiences pushes people away, sharing them brings them closer. As I look at the intimate moments of my life, this has been the guiding factor behind all of them.

I did a talk on this idea and specific ways to implement it at a recent talk at a workshop.

I will be elaborating on this idea in coming posts, so stay tuned.

It is pretty clear that Britney Spears is unhappy. Her recent haircut extravaganza is a nice indication of this. A lot of people are unhappy in this world. Now, I don’t know the trials of the superstars, and I am sure that they have a whole slew of unseen pressures and responsibilities. I think that for most people though, happiness, or a lack thereof, can be tracked back to health, wealth, or relationships.

Now, we can assume that Britney’s wealth is not driving her into manicdom. Health, well, maybe, but not likely. Relationships? Oooh… we may have a winner.

How would you go about loving Britney Spears? Do you think you could build a connection with her? Do you know how you would even begin?

Forget about Britney Spears. How about a chick you met last night at a bar, or this morning while waiting for coffee? Where would you begin?

I gave a talk a few weeks ago to a few lucky guys at one of PickUp 101’s workshops about building a connection with a woman, and I gave examples of things you can do from the first 10 seconds of meeting her all the way to when you have been dating for 10 months or even 10 years. This talk was recorded and is being released as a DVD to VIP customers.

Women crave a strong connection with a guy. It is powerful. This week I will be posting up my ideas on this, and things you can do right now to increase your connection with a woman.

Last night I talked to a close friend of mine. She wanted some advice about a guy she was dating. They met about three weeks ago on match.com. He’s pushing for a committed, serious relationship. After three weeks.

She is about to run away.

The frustrating thing is that she likes this guy, but he is being very pushy. I know he is probably well intentioned too, he’s not just a prick. At least, not intentionally.

My friend deserves the best. She is cute, sexy, fun, loving, giving, empathetic, and, did I mention, cute and sexy? She would probably really like a relationship with this guy, if he would just RELAX.

What is happening is that he is trying to get her to commit to a relationship, but this is totally the wrong thing to do. I think I know what is going on in his head. He met a really cute girl on match, and now he feels like he has to get her committed as soon as possible so he doesn’t lose her. He probably feels like this is about as good as a girl as he could get, or possibly maybe even a little better than he thinks he can get (he’s probably right).

He is making two mistakes.

First, he is being way too pushy, and expecting way more commitment than is appropriate given the ACTUAL level of involvement they have together. This is pushing her away, and if he keeps it up, he is never gonna get her.

Second, he is wrongfully thinking that once he gets her “commitment” to a relationship, then everything is nice and settled. Way too many people get complacent when they are in relationships.

When a man is in a relationship with a woman, he should constantly be building attraction and building intimacy. Let the amount of attraction and intimacy define the relationship, not some sort of agreement.

Ultimately what this guy needs to do is relax, and give my friend some space to let them get closer over time, not to force it do to his poor ability to create a relationship.

In the end, I gave my friend two course of action that she could follow:

1. Break it off now with this guy, because this kind of behavior is really a red flag. If he is pushy and can’t understand her and the relationship now, how will he understand her in a month? A year?

2. Stay in the relationship, but stick to her guns about the level of commitment she wanted, and tell him he can take it or leave it. Even if it ends badly, she will benefit from the experience and knowledge about men that she will gain from dating this guy.

I wish her the best.

And to you reading this, don’t be like this guy.