How To Flirt and Be Charming

I was bored by this episode. Maybe it was because I was watching it on my iPod while stuck in traffic going over to my buddies house in the East Bay during rush hour, maybe it was just not as exciting as past episodes. This post is as proportionally short as I was excited about this episode.

Neat. They got to kiss a girl. They did make a really good point though: Kissing Is Important.

I have gone out with girls because they were good kissers, and I have been turned off by girls that were bad kissers. It is a very important skill. Watch the episode to learn more, they actually did a pretty good job of teaching this. It was sexy and fun too.

I was disappointed by the elimination. Scott was working really hard to learn this stuff, and he was showing some improvement. He was very eager, and really wanted it. Granted, he isn’t that socially savvy, but he can learn that. I hope he continued on this path after the show was over.

I can see why they kept Pradeep (sp?), because he acts like a prick, and this creates drama, which makes the show more exciting, which means better ratings. Mystery made the right decision for the success of his show.

Sorry, Scott. You’ve got to be more dramatic. Your good nature and positive attitude won’t get you ahead in this world.

The Third episode of The Pickup Artist was on a couple nights ago. They had to learn and apply stories and threads with DHV spikes in them. A DHV is a “Demonstration of High Value”, or some such thing. I personally never think about that or try to incorporate that idea into my shtick, but then again, I don’t do pretty much anything from Mystery’s method. The show still entertains though. I loved that they made the guys talk to the little girls to practice storytelling. That seemed like a fun exercise. This episode pointed something out to me though, which is the art of storytelling.

Storytelling

I’m not a great storyteller. As far as the basic “pickup” skills go, that is the one I am least skilled in. I can do it, and I have, but I never really on it or fall back on it. I tend to tell more stories to build rapport and connection with a person, by telling them about my life. Storytelling used to be a part of the Art of Attraction workshop, but we have slowly removed it to replace it with banter, which we have found is both more effective and easier to learn.

A great story can be really captivating. It can keep people entertained, it can draw people to you magnetically, and it can convey lots of great things about you. Storytelling is a skill that I would like to develop. Not really as an attraction tool, but as a life tool. I have a couple ventures under my belt to help develop this.

Now on to a couple comments about some of the guys.

Fred

I commented on this guy the last time. What frustrates me about this guy is his inability to change and his inability to learn. He has a great opportunity to learn this material and apply it, and he just doesn’t.

I contrast this with some other older men that I have worked for. I remember one guy in particular. He was in his 40s, tall and decent looking, big presence, but lacked the confidence to meet women. This guy wanted to change, and was willing to do the work. It was hard for him. He was shaking and sweating from nervousness at times, but he never gave up, and he tried everything we taught him. I admire that.

I have no idea what it is like to be 45 years old. I have a couple friends around that age, and I know that things are different. Learning how to be a more attractive man is different, life in general is different. I don’t understand it, because I have never been there, and I won’t for another 15 or so years.

I do know that anyone can make the changes, at any age. The question is, “are you going to let yourself get in the way or not?”

Fred let himself get in the way. I have met plenty of guys that don’t though, and I respect those men for that.

Scott

Right now, I admire Scott the most. He is geeky. He is tall and lanky. He has a goofy smile. I would get a long with this guy. Also, he is working his ass off. He is really putting in a lot of effort to learn the material that Mystery is teaching them. He has an opportunity to flip his life around, and really make changes to his social life that he wants, and he is jumping at the opportunity. I hope that he stays on the show for a while.

To me, Scott represents the fact that anybody can get better with women if they put in some effort and are willing to make some changes to their behavior. More importantly, Scott represents the facts that geeks and dorks can do this.

Thank goodness.

I admit it. I got wrapped up in a reality TV show. I have been watching The Pickup Artist on VH1. Well, actually I have been watching it on iTunes because I don’t have a TV, but same difference.

It is interesting to me for a couple reasons. I teach guys how to “pick up” girls, so I can claim that it is professional interest. Also, I have worked with a lot of guys like these guys on this show. They are good guys that have a lot to give to a woman. Some are really dorky, sure, but hey so are some of the best of us. It is also interesting because I have met Mystery. It was really brief, but I met him at a talk he gave at Project San Francisco a couple years ago.

Mostly it is just an exciting drama, like most reality TV. I got the sense from my buddy Niels (who was on Beauty and the Geek) that there is a bit more “TV” than “reality” in reality TV. Some people I know have complained that it is too bad they have to eliminate a guy each week, because they all need the training, and it is true. They gotta kick someone off though for the tension and drama blah blah blah.

There are a couple lessons from a couple of these guys.

Spoon

Spoon was the young kid who was really nervous. He was also the one that wanted to be sent home during the first elimination. The sad thing is that he had the potential in him to do just fine. Talking to women became really emotionally hard for him. His internal resistance to making this change was huge. This points out a huge truth.

It can be incredibly hard to make this change.

You have to confront your own anxiety, discomfort, and nervousness. He knows the changes he has to make, but his emotions that he needs to confront to do it are too big.

I hope he does make the changes that he wants for himself.

Fred

Fred is the 45 year old virgin. He is reluctant to accept the teachings of Mystery. He seems stuck in his way. He is so stuck, that he won’t try new things. What is worse is that he makes “logical excuses” about why he doesn’t want to use the teachings of Mystery. He says he wants to be spontaneous, and that canned material makes him feel fake. I have an argument that his “real” self is just as fake, it is just the persona he is comfortable with.

He seems like the kind of guy that has found the routine that he is comfortable with, and even if that routine doesn’t work, he will stick with it.

He needs to take a risk to act outside of his normal routine, adn to have the humility to admit to himself that his current routine just isn’t working.

I hope all these guys the best, and hope they all make huge improvements to their life.

Yes, Project Deacon is coming along.

Yes, everything is coming along.

Yes, it has been a while since I have posted.

Sometimes life takes a turn. Sometimes you spend a lot of time figuring some stuff out and taking care of other things. When I am not a dating coach I have a job as an engineer. That came and bit me on the butt a couple months and kept me very busy. I have been dating one girl that makes me happy. I have been getting used to my new home.

It has been good things that have kept me away from blogging, but I have still been away from it none the less.

Back again.

Deacon’s back, tell a friend.

. . .

Who say’s white boys can’t rap?

I’ve been busy moving, working, and teaching workshops, and let updating my blog slide a little. I’ve got some great stuff in the works, Some further insights into building connections with women, some fun examples of flirting, updates on Project: Deacon (it’s still full of boxes), how to deal with being a dork (don’t worry, it takes one to know one), and a fun interview coming up.

Stay tuned, don’t adjust your channel.

I did an interview last week with AJ and Jordan of the Pickup Podcast.  If you haven’t gone over to their site to listen to one of their shows, go check them out now.

These guys have a good outlook on meeting and dating women, and they walk the walk.  We talked about how to have a conversation that lets you and a woman actually get to know something about each other, which is what any man should do when he knows that a woman is attracted to him.

I’ll post up when that podcast becomes available for download.

Sean Newman seems to have written something a little strange.

He seems to think that him and his boys out on the east coast are the “dream team” of PickUp 101.

Whatever, Sean.

He seems to have forgotten about Daniel, Niels, Walter, Asher, Jeff, Ken, etc, etc.  Ie., he forgot about the all star team we got out here.

Sean, you can keep your dream team, and you can keep dreaming.  We got the All-Stars.

Here’s my OFFICIAL response to Sean’s claim:

========

This is Sean Deacon, senior instructor at PickUp 101.
You may have read my blog, you may have learned from me
at one of our Art of Attraction or Art of Rapport workshops,
and if you are a VIP subscriber you will get a DVD soon
where I explain how to make women love you.

I get these newsletters in my inbox just like you, and
yesterday was no different… except for one thing.
You read the newsletter, and you heard what Sean Newman said.

WTF?!?!

I re-read it to make sure he really said what I think he said.
(more…)

I did a VIP talk this last weekend and had a blast.

I shared a lot of things that I have learned over the years, and was able to get the lovely Betty to come out to help and share some thoughts.

The recorded product will be going out to all of the subscribers to the PickUp 101 VIP Program in March.

I talked about building connection and increasing intimacy with a woman.

This is only important if, you know, you want women to want to have sex with you.

Hope y’all like it when it gets to you.

I’ll be posting up some of the ideas from the talk on this blog in the next couple weeks.

I went into the bank today to sit down with a banker and get a couple questions answered about business bank accounts. Shouldn’t take long, about five minutes. Besides, I had some other errands to run. I have to get ink for my printer, check out laptop computers…

But then I sat down with my banker, and she was cute. Like, really cute. My five minutes of questions turned into a one hour conversation. We talked about the usual; dating, different cultures, and hot lesbian action.

I usually just don’t date the women that serve me professionally, like bartenders, bus drivers, bankers, and the like. I’d rather have a cute banker that loves me than an eventual ex-girlfriend that doesn’t. Hmm… this rule doesn’t make much sense to me right now.

The bad thing, I got none of my other goals accomplished!

According to a list of 50 Things We Know Now (That We Didn’t Know This Time Last Year), “middle-aged and elderly men tend to be more satisfied with their sex lives than women in the same age group” (Number 28).  For all you cougar hunters out there, go make women happy.

Also, “30 minutes of continuous kissing can diminish the body’s allergic reaction to pollen, relaxing the body and reducing production of histamine, a chemical cell given out in response to allergens” (number 32).  Now, men, go kiss your women!